an unclinical definition of depression

So in my past three years doing sleep research, I've developed a working familiarity with depression. We measure depression with Beck's Depression Inventory, which asks how much you agree with statements about guilt, failure, suicidal thoughts, dislike of self, social withdrawal. The other self-report measures for depression look at similar symptoms. But it's funny, nothing seemed to capture depression (at least my experiences with it) as well as a letter I received in the mail from a Christian organization that I support:

"We are hope guzzling machines...When we're hopeful, he world is full of wonderand possibilities. We have drive and curiousity. We want as much life as we can get. We take on challenges and see adversity as something to be overcome.

But wn we lose hope the world becomes a fearful, threatening place, full of chaotic futility. Hopelessness sas us of energy and dee. It robs us of interest and appetite. We just want to curl up and protect our soul. We call it depression. The Bible calls it hopelessness."

- Jon Bloom, May 2007 letter to The Philippian Fellowship

And that's precisely it! When I'm depressed, it is not because I feel guilty, nor because I can no longer sleep, or hate myself. Those are merely symptoms. But my depression, at heart, is a loss of hope. I have nothing to look forward to. Nothing to dream about. There is no hope for change in me, or no hope for changing the world, nothing at all. At its heart, self-hate, guilt, self-loathing, are a loss of hope.

How do we address hopelessness? The solutions the health profession give are psychotherapy, antidepressant medication, or shock therapy. All those fail to provide the antidote - Hope!

"Why are you cast down, O my soul and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God (Psalm 43:5)" Hope is the only real lasting treatment. And the only one who can give such an audacious hope? A God who loves, a God who is Just, a God who is Sovereign, a God who will redeem our broken souls and this cursed creation.

I struggle to really believe all this. I have had my times of darkness, when all I saw was the gaping abyss of my black heart, when I could not, would not love nor forgive. (and forgotten that God changes hearts) I've had those moments of bleakness, when I've believed that I would never find a job, or friendship, or love (and denied that God is a good provider). And I've been tormented by guilt, wracked by how I've wounded others, and wondered if I've ruined everything - the lives of those I care for, the possibility of being in a relationship where I wouldn't mess things up. (God paid for that sin in full on the cross, and I do not hold that kind of power . He is a loving Father to them too.)

One song has become my anthem during those times of darkness. In the middle of the chorus of voices casting stones and burying me alive, I hear a still small voice singing:

"Sometimes a light surprises
The Christian while he sings;
It is the Lord Who rises
With healing in His wings:
When comforts are declining,
He grants the soul again
A season of clear shining,
To cheer it after the rain

In holy contemplation
We sweetly then pursue
The theme of God’s salvation,
And find it ever new;
Set free from present sorrow,
We cheerfully can say,
Let the unknown tomorrow
Bring with it what it may.

Tomorrow can bring us nothing,
But He will bear us through:
Who gives the lilies clothing
Will clothe His people, too:
Beneath the spreading heavens
No creature but is fed;
And He Who feeds the ravens
Will give His children bread.

Though vine nor fig tree neither
Their wonted fruit should bear,
Though all the fields should wither,
Nor flocks or herds be there
Yet, God the same abiding,
His praise shall tune my voice;
For, while in Him confiding,
I cannot but rejoice."

- William Cowper